After I'd finally written it, I felt as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
It was a pretty raw piece about addiction and motherhood; two things I have experience with that often end up awkward bedfellows in my writing. Addiction and motherhood don’t belong in a single story. But long ago they had an affair, and the resulting lovechild was a story about the grieving choices I have made but reveling in the grace of Christ.
Still staring at the glow of the laptop screen, I thought, perhaps I shouldn’t put this ‘out there.' My finger hovered over the enter button.
Some Christians will be offended. They will judge me twice; once for being the person I was, and again for admitting to being that person. They might think I am playing fast and loose with the Gospel of Jesus Christ, a poor representation of a Christian. I would never want to do that.
And – far more importantly - what about those who don’t know Jesus yet?
Still, I can’t shake the urgency to write about these things, to ‘put them out there’. So I pray….
”God, first let me do no harm.” A spiritual Hippocratic Oath of sorts –“ let me do no harm to Your name”.
My favorite quote came to mind in that moment: “Christianity is one beggar telling another beggar where to find bread.” - D.T. Niles (Sri Lankan evangelist, ecumenical leader and hymn writer).
I am once again compelled to tell my story.
Don't be ashamed to be the beggar, I feel God telling me. Stop trying to “bake”…..
Sometimes, writing the truth, I feel like a rebel deserter of my formal self; a New Creation counting on Christ to do the jousting because I am rusty from old war injuries.
I am a grateful and humble and flawed veteran. Not measuring up to what the world thinks a Christian should always be, but gratefully not of this world.
Old war stories sometimes need to be told, and telling half-truths distorts history.
I press the Enter button to Publish. And revel in the grace of Christ.