After I'd finally written it, I felt as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

It was a pretty raw piece about addiction and motherhood; two things I have experience with that often end up awkward bedfellows in my writing.  Addiction and motherhood don’t belong in a single story. But long ago they had an affair, and the resulting lovechild was a story about the grieving choices I have made but reveling in the grace of Christ.

Still staring at the glow of the laptop screen, I thought, perhaps I shouldn’t put this ‘out there.' My finger hovered over the enter button.

Some Christians will be offended.  They will judge me twice; once for being the person I was, and again for admitting to being that person.  They might think I am playing fast and loose with the Gospel of Jesus Christ, a poor representation of a Christian.  I would never want to do that.

And – far more importantly - what about those who don’t know Jesus yet?

Still, I can’t shake the urgency to write about these things, to ‘put them out there’.  So I pray….

”God, first let me do no harm.”  A spiritual Hippocratic Oath of sorts –“ let me do no harm to Your name”.

My favorite quote came to mind in that moment: “Christianity is one beggar telling another beggar where to find bread.” -  D.T. Niles (Sri Lankan evangelist, ecumenical leader and hymn writer).

I am once again compelled to tell my story.

Don't be ashamed to be the beggar, I feel God telling me.  Stop trying to “bake”…..

Sometimes, writing the truth, I feel like a rebel deserter of my formal self; a New Creation counting on Christ to do the jousting because I am rusty from old war injuries. 

I am a grateful and humble and flawed veteran.  Not measuring up to what the world thinks a Christian should always be, but gratefully not of this world.

Old war stories sometimes need to be told, and telling half-truths distorts history.

I press the Enter button to Publish.  And revel in the grace of Christ.