Editor's Note: Melody Gordon's sister, Risa Fabb died on Dec. 19, 2011. Melody writes this poetic, contemplative essay for her sister's memory on the eve of Yom Kippur, which begins at sundown today (Sept. 25) and continues through Sept. 26.

For the grief of Risa
Towards the eve of personal responsibility…

The feeling of being weighed down with grief—just bent down with this burden—has gone on now for what it seems like so very long.

This mind-numbing pain is almost too much to bear, but I must allow this rawness to be free to feel again the joys that spurred my senses. To be able again to relish my nature’s experiences of old and appreciate them. 

I hope that I will soon be able to look at the waves coming into the shore and the tide going out again in a rumble and hear God's thunder.

See a red cardinal stopping to munch at a feeder and take flight after the sustenance gives strength and marvel at its loveliness.

Observe the beauty of a sunset on the marshlands and know the awe of creation, and find renewal in the wondrous smell of a cleansing rain.

Grief tends to wash away a lot so all you are is pain. Therefore, on this eve of personal responsibility, I will once more prepare myself to be enveloped in pain and then come out of my cocoon into the sunlight.